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An Irresistible Presence Grows As You Live the Golden Rule [Day 14 - 30 Days to CIP]

This is Day 9 of 30 Days to Creating Irresistible Presence.  On Monday, Chris Guillebeau gave us the VERY simple formula for creating irresistible presence and WOW did you all move out to put it into practice!. Today, Gini Dietrich paints an amazing picture of the role GENEROSITY plays in creating irresistible presence. Read on!

Today’s theme song: Send Me on My Way by Rusted Root: http://tinysong.com/6K7X

An Irresistible Presence Grows As You Live the Golden Rule

by Gini Dietrich (@GiniDietrich)

On June 30, Matt Lauer had Elizabeth Edwards on The Today Show to talk about life, family, her revised book as it comes out in paperback, criticism she’s received, and what she thinks about her ex-husband’s love child. Before seeing her interview, I’m not sure I would have been able to clearly articulate what creating irresistible presence really means. And then I watched her, with complete fascination and respect, as she answered tough, tough questions with confidence, class, and ease.

When asked if she regrets having married John Edwards, she said things didn’t turn out the way she would have hoped, but she didn’t regret her marriage. When asked about the criticism she received from the Edwards campaign office, she said didn’t realize the staff didn’t see her as an equal, but as the candidate’s wife, which put her on a lower playing field.

She also said knowing how she is perceived, as much as she wants people to like her, is really helpful in her own personal growth. When asked how she was feeling, she commented she’s on a new chemotherapy regimen and she hopes, the next time she is on television, it’s to talk about one of her passions. Not once did she badmouth the campaign staff, her ex-husband, or his mistress.

At the end of the interview, I posted on Facebook that I can only hope I am as humble and classy as she is, especially when confronted with conflict.  No matter what your politics, what you think about what she may or may have not known during the campaign, or what you think of the scandal, it’s pretty difficult not to respect and admire the way she has created an irresistible presence.

Creating Your Irresistible Presence

We live in a day and age that almost anyone can become a seemingly overnight sensation. With reality shows, social networking, self-publishing, blogging, and Internet radio and TV, the playing field is level and we have the opportunity to build ourselves into experts around our passions. With that come ego boosts and a heightened sense of ability, plus conflict and confrontation. It also comes with an immense amount of responsibility: A responsibility to ourselves, to our families, to our friends, to our colleagues, to our clients, to our competition, and even to our nemeses.

Our responsibility is to be our authentic selves without compromising our values. Yet many of us are scared to be human, to show our weaknesses and our flaws.  It’s scary…being yourself, especially if (like Elizabeth Edwards and me, too) you have a need to be liked.

I genuinely care about what people think of me and it really hurts my feelings when someone who doesn’t know me talks badly about me off- or online. But I am 100 percent true to myself and to my values and, though my feelings get hurt, that helps me focus on the positive relationships in my life.

And that is what creating your irresistible presence is all about. For me, it’s important I help others, I pay it forward as often as I can, I recognize the strengths in my network, I pump up people, I acknowledge everyone who comes into my world, and I never get too big for my britches.

How I do those things is pretty simple:

  • I am overly obsessed at answering every email I receive;
  • I respond to every tweet myself;
  • I read and comment on other’s blogs;
  • I respond to all of the comments on our blog;
  • I recommend people, blogs, and books I love;
  • I go out of my way to find one thing I have in common with people who pop into my online world;
  • I never say no (which I don’t recommend!); and
  • I recognize people publicly and privately consistently.

We are always eager to help those who have helped us without asking for anything in return. I’m a big believer in treating people the way you want to be treated and, if you do, you soon will emulate Elizabeth Edwards with a classy, humble, confident, easy presence others find completely irresistible.

P.S. If you’d like to see tidbits of the Elizabeth Edwards interview, you can see it on The Young Turks (pretty appropriate for Sarah’s blog, don’t you think??).

Gini’s Bio

Gini Dietrich is the founder and chief executive officer of Arment Dietrich, Inc., a firm that uses non-traditional marketing in a digital world. The company’s blog, Spin Sucks, is the 2010 Readers Choice PR Blog of the Year.

P.S. If you aren’t already signed up and don’t want to miss out on  30 Days to Creating Irresistible Presence, please sign up here.

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  • http://www.callmekristin.com Kristin Call

    I, too, admire her classy humility especially in the face of conflict. The woman is a vision. As I mentioned previously, blogging with the intent of giving everything away generally brings more returns than you could ever imagine. Thank you for itemizing out “how you do things.” Saying “no” is something I have a problem with too. It’s genetic, I think! Recognizing people publicly and privately is something I used to do, but have since stopped. Thanks for the reminder to get going again!

    • http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly

      I need to start back with the public and private recognition again myself!

      Maybe I am lucky in that I have rarely had a problem saying no… because if I do say no – it is something I really feel in my gut.. of course I usually try to point the person another way or suggest something else (depending on the situation) :)

      • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

        I’m getting better at what you say here … especially when it’s a piece of business that doesn’t fit our niche and I can refer it to a friend or colleague. Where I have trouble is when someone calls and wants to know how to do something. I always give my advice. For free.

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      So if one of us figures out how to say no, while still being generous, let’s make a pact to tell the other?!?

      • http://twitter.com/lazarus2000 Lazarus

        I like to have the perspective that if its something I cant/won’t/don’t want to do, then saying yes does the person asking a disservice. Because I know that if I commit myself to something that I don’t feel motivated to do, I’m going to do it half-assed. And that, to me, is worse than telling someone no. Not only does it give them something that is mediocre at best, but now, theres something out there that Im not satisfied with, not up to my standards, and has my name attached to it. Saying no is being generous when saying yes doesn’t meet yours and/or the other person’s needs. :)

    • http://www.brandonsutton.com Brandon Sutton

      Kristin, the saying no piece really resonated with me when I first read it. I recently had an experience where I learned about boundaries – working with horses out at Vista Caballo (client). True story that I wrote about on my blog. Horses can teach us so much about ourselves, and one of the first things I learned when I was working with them is that I had no boundaries whatsoever. So of course, they were running all over me. Once I learned that they were looking to ME to establish the rules, and the fact that I wasn’t setting them meant that there were NONE, I saw that I had to adjust my behavior. So I did, and immediately they respected me and my personal space more.

      This was an awesome lesson and one that I immediately related to business. In the past, I’ve always taken whatever was thrown at me and just dealt with it, regardless of whether or not it felt right to me. I’ve started saying No lately when things aren’t in alignment with me, and it feels awesome! The important point as Gini mentioned is to say no while being generous. Another important lesson that we learned is to anticipate a reaction so that you can come back with a response. Subtle but important distinction here. Instead of reacting back and forth, if you expect a reaction, instead of reacting to the reaction, you respond with your truth, things go much more smoothly.

      Great topic – thanks so much for sharing!

      • Anonymous

        Hey Brandon.

        As a horse person I can soooo relate to your story! Horses are very black and white and I’m every shade of gray possible. They have taught me so much about being decisive and consistent and doing so in calm, confident and non-emotional way. Horses have taught me so much more than I have taught them and those lessons completely translate in business and personal life. It’s pretty amazing stuff!

        • http://twitter.com/lazarus2000 Lazarus

          Horses are amazing for this kinda stuff, aren’t they? I grew up around horses as well.

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Hey Gini! Thanks for this post today. It helped me relax. Four things stand out for me.

    1. That being true to who you are and your values (and knowing them) is what creates Irresistible Presence – even when that includes showing the “messy things in your life”.
    2. That creating irresistible presence is never done at the expense of someone else.
    3. That CIP is often more about the little things (like your list) than the BIG things.
    4. That CIP is not something that happens overnight… that it’s the result of consistency over time.

    Thank you so much!

    • http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie

      Teresa,

      Your first point was a big one for me: knowing your values. I pretty much lived 35 years of my life not having a clue about what was really important to me. I bounced around life working jobs, spending money, and basically flying blind.

      Then I spent some time discovering my core values and all of a sudden everything became a bit more clear. I quickly realized which parts of my life I needed to cut back on or get rid of, and which parts of my life I needed to accelerate and build on.

      Now that I am clear on my core values (I revisit them every few months, one of them recently became less important while a new one jumped to the forefront) everything seems to flow more and life is getting more and more effortless. Not all the time, but a bit of effort every now and again makes things interesting.

      I have also learned that I take some of those little things that I do, that other people value, for granted. I think “that is nothing special, of course everyone does that” and then I find out that not everyone does it, and that people really appreciate it.

      The last couple of months I have been trying to focus on these “little things” that I previously ignored and am learning how they fit into my irresistible presence. What I have found is that understanding these little things and how they fit into who I am is much more beneficial to my presence than trying to add big new things that aren’t a very good fit.

      Consistency is one that I struggled with a great deal in my past. I was one person when teaching or counseling and a different person in my personal life. Consistency is definitely important, not just so my presence is irresistible to others but so that my presence is irresistible to ME as well.

      Jeremie

      • http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly

        Jeremie,

        I love the way you explain finding your core values and that one may go to the back while another comes to the forefront… I agree that sometimes we need to focus on certain things because time, people or circumstances may throw something out of whack and we need to align it back up with ourselves.. <<my thought anyway…

        I love reading your posts.

        • http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie

          Out of whack is definitely a constant challenge for sticking to your core values.

          I experimented for part of this year with putting one of my core values (family) “on hold” to focus on another core value (economic security). It did not work at all. I was frustrated, my wife was frustrated, my son was just upset a lot of the time.

          For me I discovered that being out of whack when it affects my family is not worth it, I would rather have less economic security. Which surprised me, I thought our financial situation was more important to me. Now I know that my core values will fluctuate and move backward and forward, but I am pretty sure that my “ultimate” core value that cannot be messed with is family.

          Jeremie

      • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

        I love this and love that you revisit your core values! You’re way ahead of most people!!

      • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

        Hey Jeremie…

        It continues to amaze me how much of a mirror you are for me! :-) Tx!

      • Anonymous

        Jeremie…
        Like everyone else….love your comments regarding your “core values”….I REALLY love that you recognize the “little things/small things” that you do so naturally, because THOSE things will separate you from the rest of the pack! Those “small things” have worked and are working to create your Irresistible Presence. #Karma

        • http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie

          The best part is that the small things are already there inside all of us and are not something new we have to spend energy creating.

          If we could all take the time to reflect on our little pieces of value that we already offer the world I think we would be a lot less exhausted trying to come up with new ways to add value.

          Here’s to all the small things!

          Jeremie

    • Anonymous

      love YOUR list Teresa….
      (((HUGS))

      • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

        Hugs back to you Deb!

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      I LOVE your recap of the blog post. So much so that I’m shamelessly stealing it and posting it on my blog next week! :)

      • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

        That’s cool! Thank you! And I thank you for your blog… REALLY!

  • http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr

    Gini, You are alright in my book! It is so true that how we handle ourselves in the most difficult situations provides insight to the core of who we are. I too admire Elizabeth Edwards. I don’t want to degrade that one bit. People like Elizabeth are public examples. These signs of grace are also visible in our everyday lives. It is my hope that we recognize them and the people who who exhibit them, and tell them how much they mean to us. Just as important is to try forgive them, if and when they do fall. After all, we are all human. Thank you for your insights Gini.

    • http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly

      I agree Richard… We tend to not notice the people that act so gracefully in our lives, because well – that is how they always are… so we expect it… but I can stop right now and think of people in my life who embody this grace and I need to thank them… and I will – because they have taught me by example… the best teaching tool there is! :)

      • http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr

        Hi Shelly! Yes, There is something about recognizing the divinity in all of us. The greatest people that I admire are those who inspire others. Gini did it here with her post. Sarah does it daily by leading by example. We each have the power in impact the lives around us. You are right, it is easy to take those around us for granted. How we treat ALL those around us reflects on us. Gini’s post hits the mark in that it starts with us. To have an irresistible presence. We need to be present, and love those around us, how we would like to loved.

        • Anonymous

          Richard & Shelly,
          I totally agree w/ both of you. There ARE people in our lives that exhibit Grace in everything they do and at times, we (I) let their “light” just slip by unnoticed because it is what I have come to expect from that person. I need to recognize that more, because there are a lot of beautiful people in my life filled with Grace and it requires me “being in the moment” to acknowledge it!
          I am also BIG on forgiveness, Richard. We cannot hold on to resentments and live with irresistible presence!! It just doesn’t work!
          ((hugs)) to both of you.
          p.s. And both, Sarah & Gini, have it!!! (Irresistible Presence) …as do all of YOU here!!! Shine your “light”…live each day with Grace.

          • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

            Hi love! Hope you’re doing well and managing through the past few hard days.

          • Anonymous

            thanks #rockstarcookandcyclist ….love ya mucho!! doing better (((HUGS))

          • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

            Thanks for the Deb! Something for me to remember and practice: “I am also BIG on forgiveness… We cannot hold on to resentments and live with irresistible presence!! It just doesn’t work!”

            And that includes forgiveness of myself….

          • Anonymous

            Teresa~~
            Forgiving oneself is #UNO….many. many folks cannot forgive themselves for not being “ENOUGH”…or whatever else they beat themselves us with….I know first hand :=)
            ((MORE HUGS)))

          • http://www.lemonoffice.com susanmdonegan

            Deb, thanks for connecting all of this with Forgiveness – that is a big one! To be my best self, I have to be willing and able to let go and forgive. Ridding oneself of the negative energy can only lead to an Irresistible Presence – thank you!

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      We are, indeed, all human, are we not?! That being said, don’t get me started on LeBron James. :)

      • Anonymous

        Now, that’s a conversation I’d love to have w/ you….on “The KING”…LeBron James …#epic #FAIL

  • Anonymous

    Wow. I just realized something as I read your post. I have gotten so bogged down in what to call my business and I am wondering now if that is because I need to first be willing to just let my business be me — Shannon Short, no creative naming, just me — irresistable me. It seems so boring but I have an inkling it may actually be quite significant. To think that “just me” could be irresistable all by itself without any catchy titles or business names is something I suppose I need to get used to — hell, that I need to EMBRACE and HONOR! It’s about being me in my rawest, most true, most irresistable form. Hm…guess I’m gonna need to spend some time with that one!

    • http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly

      I think you are on to something!

      I think it is like writing a novel (creating a business) – You may start off with a ‘catchy’ name… write and write, shape and shape the words, the substance, the characters… and in the end… What is the book about? What encompasses the idea of the book? There is the title…

      • Anonymous

        Thanks, Shelly! What you say is so true! Like I said, I’ve definitely got some thinking to do! Or maybe I just have some doing to do! :-)

    • http://www.brandonsutton.com Brandon Sutton

      Right on Shannon! I completely understand what you mean, and I think it’s great that you let yourself take center stage without having to come up with a catchy name. Mars Dorian had an awesome post about this the other day, and although one of the first thing he suggests is a remarkable name, I think it’s more about feeling confident with the name you have. Shannon Short is a remarkable name, and you can do all kinds of fun things with it! But his next point was about having a great intro – this is the piece that I’m working on myself. Probably 10 times more important than a catchy name. Anyway, check out his post – you might like it: http://www.marsdorian.com/2010/07/killer-branding-in-6-steps. He has some other cool posts if you like that one.

      LOVE your thoughts on embracing and honoring your raw, true, irresistible self! Keep up the great work! :)

      • Anonymous

        Thanks, Brandon. Though I must admit I have spent a great deal of time and energy on seeking out that catchy name for my biz. Been working under Girls Get Real, which I feel good about but there just seems to be something not quite jiving. Haven’t read the recommended post yet but am going there now! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and support! Great luck to you too with your “great intro.” Share it when it’s ready!

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      I love it, Shannon!! The only thing I caution you about naming your business Shannon Short is that, if you ever have an intention of selling it, it will be difficult because the business will be YOU and won’t run without YOU. That’s why you’ll see that we have two businesses under one umbrella – Arment Dietrich is the client service, brain for money business and Spin Sucks is the online membership-based company. I likely will never be able to sell Arment Dietrich without going to work FOR someone again (I’d rather jump off a roof than do that), but I can sell Spin Sucks because it’s not ME (well, it won’t be eventually).

    • http://twitter.com/lazarus2000 Lazarus

      “To think that “just me” could be irresistable all by itself without any catchy titles or business names is something I suppose I need to get used to — hell, that I need to EMBRACE and HONOR! It’s about being me in my rawest, most true, most irresistable form. Hm…guess I’m gonna need to spend some time with that one!”

      This right here is what is gonna make/keep your Shannon Short business awesome. Lots of people can see through the fakery pretty easy, and once the novelty of knowing someone is fake wears off, I find they just get boring. Im reminded of this every time I watch some late night infomercials for about 3 minutes. “I made a bazillion dollars in 30 days working from my bath tub for just 4.7 minutes a day!”

      • Anonymous

        Thanks, Lazarus!

      • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

        I wish I could figure out how to make a bazillion dollars in 30 days working from my bathtub for just 4.7 minutes a day!

        • http://twitter.com/lazarus2000 Lazarus

          Just buy my new system. Im now a Bazillionaire! I developed this totally secret system while I was sitting in the park, looking at the birds. And now Im willing to share it with you!

          I did it! And so can you! And your grandma! And your dog! Its just 573 easy payments of $199.95!

          Act now. Operators are standing by for the next 37 seconds after you read this.

          • http://twitter.com/lazarus2000 Lazarus

            Oh my god. I think I made myself a little ill typing that out.. hahaha

          • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

            I laughed really hard at that!!

    • http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie

      Oh Shannon I could have written your post myself. I spent months trying to come up with a name and URL for my business. I read websites, whitepapers, bounced names off people, did domain name searches, fretted, panicked, paced, banged my head against walls, decided on names, threw names out…well you get the picture.

      I ended up with http://www.jeremiemiller.com and just decided to be me.

      Good luck in being “just you” (why do we all have to put “just” in front of our personal value?) and realizing how amazing that is going to be!

      Jeremie

      • Anonymous

        Thanks, Jeremie! Always nice to know I’m not the only one driving myself crazy out here. I do own shannonshort.com and .net, as well as several other domain names that represent potential programs and/or biz names, i.e. BetterThanFine, NowPlayingMe, SOWReal, and several others. :-) Thanks, again, for your support!

  • http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly

    Hi Gini! Great post!

    I have not seen the interview – but will watch the link after commenting… but I think Jackie Kennedy did the same thing… grace under pressure… I have never had that much scrutiny, but I would hope if I ever did that I would handle it gracefully and with courage!

    You do create an irresistible presence – I have noticed a lot of great debates, comments and conversations around things you’ve said or put out there!

    I try to do the same – be 100% me… and I think I succeed for the most part. I have a pretty strong personality, so it takes a lot to break through that at times… but I have gotten my feelings hurt online… though never sure if it was meant on purpose – but I rebounded pretty quickly and found the positive people in my world and soaked back up that energy and let the negative energy drain away… as it should!

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      LOL! I think you’re being kind about “great” debates! But I do somehow know how to get people riled up. It’s really, really hard not to get your feelings hurt. Just yesterday someone (anonymously, of course) posted on my blog that I’m a self-proclaimed communication expert (I guess all these years of being in the business and running a business don’t count) and that I’m whiny. WHY anyone would post that on MY blog (where it’s MY opinion) is beyond me. But, just like you say, if you are 100% you, at the end of the day, you will be able to sleep at night, knowing you were true to yourself. The jerks can take a flying leap.

      I completely agree with you that Jackie Kennedy had is as well. Great role models for us girls!

  • http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g

    Part of having an irresistible presence is to have all of the false stripped away. Elizabeth Edwards, by nature of her fishbowl life, took the opportunity to see things as they are/were and to speak from a position of grace from that. Many times throughout the day, we are each brought to an opportunity to either “put up or shut up,” as my grandmother used to say.

    We have a chance to recognize a situation, check it against our values and make a decision as to whether or not we will live them or spout them.

    That’s authentic and that’s irresistible.

    Great post! Thank you for sharing it. Best, M.

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      Such a smart woman, your grandmother! I love, “we have a chance to recognize a situation, check it against our values, and make a decision as to whether or not we will live them or spout them. That’s authentic and that’s irresistible.”

      LOVE!

    • Anonymous

      Love your insight!!! And, your grandmother’s “put up or shut up!” She #ROCKS !!…as do YOU.

      • http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g

        My thanks to both you and Gini for your kind words. My grandmother was an Irishwoman ahead of her time.

  • Nazima Ali

    Gini, thanks for a great reminder in sticking to my values in all that I do.

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      You are quite welcome!

  • Anonymous

    Be good. Sometimes in a confused state, I try to remind myself just to be a good person. I love the simplicity of this, and your post spells that out. Thank you! (and love reading everyone’s comments!)

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      Be good. That is such a true statement! My mom just sent me a card. It said, “Be good. And if you can’t be good, at least be stylish.” So now you know what kind of household I was brought up in!

  • http://www.callmekristin.com Kristin Call

    I, too, admire her classy humility especially in the face of conflict. The woman is a vision. As I mentioned previously, blogging with the intent of giving everything away generally brings more returns than you could ever imagine. Thank you for itemizing out “how you do things.” Saying “no” is something I have a problem with too. It's genetic, I think! Recognizing people publicly and privately is something I used to do, but have since stopped. Thanks for the reminder to get going again!

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Hey Gini! Thanks for this post today. It helped me relax. Four things stand out for me.

    1. That being true to who you are and your values (and knowing them) is what creates Irresistible Presence – even when that includes showing the “messy things in your life”.
    2. That creating irresistible presence is never done at the expense of someone else.
    3. That CIP is often more about the little things (like your list) than the BIG things.
    4. That CIP is not something that happens overnight… that it's the result of consistency over time.

    Thank you so much!

  • Guest

    I must admit…I do have a problem with saying no! I try with everything that is within me to respond to everyone, as I see this as the polite thing to do. I must admit, your itemized list is what I try to do every day and will do every day in the future. Thank you for the reminder of how to become a little more noticed in this world :)

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      So we’re two peas in a pod! Responding to everyone, because we find it polite, can also create an overwhelming feeling. But, at the same time, I feel like it’s something I should do. Perhaps it’s my necessity to be liked. Is it that way for you, too?

      • Guest

        It is out of my necessity to be liked…but shhhh..don’t tell anybody that!! I have a real problem with saying no…and it gets me in trouble all the time :)

  • http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr

    Gini, You are alright in my book! It is so true that how we handle ourselves in the most difficult situations provides insight to the core of who we are. I tool admire Elizabeth Edwards. I don't want to degrade that one bit. People like Elizabeth are public examples. These signs of grace are also visible in our everyday lives. It is my hope that we recognize them and the people who who exhibit them, and tell them how much they mean to us. Just as important is to try forgive them, if and when they do fall. After all, we are all human. Thank you for your insights Gini.

  • shannonshort

    Wow. I just realized something as I read your post. I have gotten so bogged down in what to call my business and I am wondering now if that is because I need to first be willing to just let my business be me — Shannon Short, no creative naming, just me — irresistable me. It seems so boring but I have an inkling it may actually be quite significant.

    To think that “just me” could be irresistable all by itself without any catchy titles or business names is something I suppose I need to get used to — hell, that I need to EMBRACE and HONOR! It's about being me in my rawest, most true, most irresistable form. Hm…guess I'm gonna need to spend some time with that one!

  • http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie

    Teresa,

    Your first point was a big one for me: knowing your values. I pretty much lived 35 years of my life not having a clue about what was really important to me. I bounced around life working jobs, spending money, and basically flying blind.

    Then I spent some time discovering my core values and all of a sudden everything became a bit more clear. I quickly realized which parts of my life I needed to cut back on or get rid of, and which parts of my life I needed to accelerate and build on.

    Now that I am clear on my core values (I revisit them every few months, one of them recently became less important while a new one jumped to the forefront) everything seems to flow more and life is getting more and more effortless. Not all the time, but a bit of effort every now and again makes things interesting.

    I have also learned that I take some of those little things that I do, that other people value, for granted. I think “that is nothing special, of course everyone does that” and then I find out that not everyone does it, and that people really appreciate it.

    The last couple of months I have been trying to focus on these “little things” that I previously ignored and am learning how they fit into my irresistible presence. What I have found is that understanding these little things and how they fit into who I am is much more beneficial to my presence than trying to add big new things that aren't a very good fit.

    Consistency is one that I struggled with a great deal in my past. I was one person when teaching or counseling and a different person in my personal life. Consistency is definitely important, not just so my presence is irresistible to others but so that my presence is irresistible to ME as well.

    Jeremie

  • http://www.3hatscommunications.com/blog/ davinabrewer

    THIS Gini, this is why I love you. Except for the “saying NO” we’re practically twins. ;-) Because of my friendship with people like you, I am so much more comfortable in my own skin, confident in presenting my authentic self out there. I liked Jeremie’s post about defining core values, something I think applies to both the personal and the professional. Thanks for this.

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      And THIS is one of the many reasons I love you! Now if you could just teach me how to say no so I don’t feel like I’m slighting someone.

  • http://www.randomshelly.com Shelly

    Jeremie,

    I love the way you explain finding your core values and that one may go to the back while another comes to the forefront… I agree that sometimes we need to focus on certain things because time, people or circumstances may throw something out of whack and we need to align it back up with ourselves.. <<my thought anyway…

    I love reading your posts.

  • http://www.randomshelly.com Shelly

    I think you are on to something!

    I think it is like writing a novel (creating a business) – You may start off with a 'catchy' name… write and write, shape and shape the words, the substance, the characters… and in the end… What is the book about? What encompasses the idea of the book? There is the title…

  • Abbie S. Fink

    Gini — thank you for this glimpse into what makes you you. A few years ago I participated in a two-day workshop that I had thought was going to give me tools to being a better manager, a better team leader, a better business owner. Nope, not at all what happened. It gave me the tools to be a better ME. And the word most heard throughout the weekend, Authenticity. To that I add Integrity. If you are always showing your authentic self and act with integrity, you can’t help but have what is referred to here as irresistible presence. People want to be around good people — when you show them who you are authentically they can’t help but see how irresistible you can be.

    Friend…you are right on the money here.

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      What was this conference? And perhaps this is something we should add to #MLR? I agree that when you show who you are authentically, people can’t help but see how irresistible you can be. But, you also have to consider that there are some people who don’t want to see you succeed. And no matter how true you are to yourself, they will say really awful things about you. That being said, if you are true to yourself, you will be able to get past the naysayers and continue to be true to yourself. It’s lik having a vision. If you know where you are going, you’ll get there, no matter what.

  • http://www.randomshelly.com Shelly

    Hi Gini! Great post!

    I have not seen the interview – but will watch the link after commenting… but I think Jackie Kennedy did the same thing… grace under pressure… I have never had that much scrutiny, but I would hope if I ever did that I would handle it gracefully and with courage!

    You do create an irresistible presence – I have noticed a lot of great debates, comments and conversations around things you've said or put out there!

    I try to do the same – be 100% me… and I think I succeed for the most part. I have a pretty strong personality, so it takes a lot to break through that at times… but I have gotten my feelings hurt online… though never sure if it was meant on purpose – but I rebounded pretty quickly and found the positive people in my world and soaked back up that energy and let the negative energy drain away… as it should!

  • http://www.randomshelly.com Shelly

    I agree Richard… We tend to not notice the people that act so gracefully in our lives, because well – that is how they always are… so we expect it… but I can stop right now and think of people in my life who embody this grace and I need to thank them… and I will – because they have taught me by example… the best teaching tool there is! :)

  • http://www.randomshelly.com Shelly

    I need to start back with the public and private recognition again myself!

    Maybe I am lucky in that I have rarely had a problem saying no… because if I do say no – it is something I really feel in my gut.. of course I usually try to point the person another way or suggest something else (depending on the situation) :)

  • http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g

    Part of having an irresistible presence is to have all of the false stripped away. Elizabeth Edwards, by nature of her fishbowl life, took the opportunity to see things as they are/were and to speak from a position of grace from that. Many times throughout the day, we are each brought to an opportunity to either “put up or shut up,” as my grandmother used to say.

    We have a chance to recognize a situation, check it against our values and make a decision as to whether or not we will live them or spout them.

    That's authentic and that's irresistible.

    Great post! Thank you for sharing it. Best, M.

  • http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr

    Hi Shelly! Yes, There is something about recognizing the divinity in all of us. The greatest people that I admire are those who inspire others. Gini did it here with her post. Sarah does it daily by leading by example. We each have the power in impact the lives around us. You are right, it is easy to take those around us for granted. How we treat ALL those around us reflects on us. Gini's post hits the mark in that it starts with us. To have an irresistible presence. We need to be present, and love those around us, how we would like to loved.

  • shannonshort

    Thanks, Shelly! What you say is so true! Like I said, I've definitely got some thinking to do! Or maybe I just have some doing to do! :-)

  • http://www.brandonsutton.com Brandon101

    Right on Shannon! I completely understand what you mean, and I think it's great that you let yourself take center stage without having to come up with a catchy name. Mars Dorian had an awesome post about this the other day, and although one of the first thing he suggests is a remarkable name, I think it's more about feeling confident with the name you have. Shannon Short is a remarkable name, and you can do all kinds of fun things with it! But his next point was about having a great intro – this is the piece that I'm working on myself. Probably 10 times more important than a catchy name. Anyway, check out his post – you might like it: http://www.marsdorian.com/2010/07/killer-brandi…. He has some other cool posts if you like that one.

    LOVE your thoughts on embracing and honoring your raw, true, irresistible self! Keep up the great work! :)

  • JoyFull_deb

    love YOUR list Teresa….
    (((HUGS))

  • shannonshort

    Thanks, Brandon. Though I must admit I have spent a great deal of time and energy on seeking out that catchy name for my biz. Been working under Girls Get Real, which I feel good about but there just seems to be something not quite jiving. Haven't read the recommended post yet but am going there now! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and support! Great luck to you too with your “great intro.” Share it when it's ready!

  • Nazima Ali

    Gini, thanks for a great reminder in sticking to my values in all that I do.

  • JoyFull_deb

    Richard & Shelly,
    I totally agree w/ both of you. There ARE people in our lives that exhibit Grace in everything they do and at times, we (I) let their “light” just slip by unnoticed because it is what I have come to expect from that person. I need to recognize that more, because there are a lot of beautiful people in my life filled with Grace and it requires me “being in the moment” to acknowledge it!
    I am also BIG on forgiveness, Richard. We cannot hold on to resentments and live with irresistible presence!! It just doesn't work!
    ((hugs)) to both of you.
    p.s. And both, Sarah & Gini, have it!!! (Irresistible Presence) …as do all of YOU here!!! Shine your “light”…live each day with Grace.

  • ginidietrich

    So if one of us figures out how to say no, while still being generous, let's make a pact to tell the other?!?

  • ginidietrich

    I'm getting better at what you say here … especially when it's a piece of business that doesn't fit our niche and I can refer it to a friend or colleague. Where I have trouble is when someone calls and wants to know how to do something. I always give my advice. For free.

  • ginidietrich

    I LOVE your recap of the blog post. So much so that I'm shamelessly stealing it and posting it on my blog next week! :)

  • ginidietrich

    I love this and love that you revisit your core values! You're way ahead of most people!!

  • ginidietrich

    We are, indeed, all human, are we not?! That being said, don't get me started on LeBron James. :)

  • ginidietrich

    Hi love! Hope you're doing well and managing through the past few hard days.

  • ginidietrich

    I love it, Shannon!! The only thing I caution you about naming your business Shannon Short is that, if you ever have an intention of selling it, it will be difficult because the business will be YOU and won't run without YOU. That's why you'll see that we have two businesses under one umbrella – Arment Dietrich is the client service, brain for money business and Spin Sucks is the online membership-based company. I likely will never be able to sell Arment Dietrich without going to work FOR someone again (I'd rather jump off a roof than do that), but I can sell Spin Sucks because it's not ME (well, it won't be eventually).

  • ginidietrich

    LOL! I think you're being kind about “great” debates! But I do somehow know how to get people riled up. It's really, really hard not to get your feelings hurt. Just yesterday someone (anonymously, of course) posted on my blog that I'm a self-proclaimed communication expert (I guess all these years of being in the business and running a business don't count) and that I'm whiny. WHY anyone would post that on MY blog (where it's MY opinion) is beyond me. But, just like you say, if you are 100% you, at the end of the day, you will be able to sleep at night, knowing you were true to yourself. The jerks can take a flying leap.

    I completely agree with you that Jackie Kennedy had is as well. Great role models for us girls!

  • ginidietrich

    Such a smart woman, your grandmother! I love, “we have a chance to recognize a situation, check it against our values, and make a decision as to whether or not we will live them or spout them. That's authentic and that's irresistible.”

    LOVE!

  • ginidietrich

    You are quite welcome!

  • http://www.brandonsutton.com Brandon101

    Kristin, the saying no piece really resonated with me when I first read it. I recently had an experience where I learned about boundaries – working with horses out at Vista Caballo (client). True story that I wrote about on my blog. Horses can teach us so much about ourselves, and one of the first things I learned when I was working with them is that I had no boundaries whatsoever. So of course, they were running all over me. Once I learned that they were looking to ME to establish the rules, and the fact that I wasn't setting them meant that there were NONE, I saw that I had to adjust my behavior. So I did, and immediately they respected me and my personal space more.

    This was an awesome lesson and one that I immediately related to business. In the past, I've always taken whatever was thrown at me and just dealt with it, regardless of whether or not it felt right to me. I've started saying No lately when things aren't in alignment with me, and it feels awesome! The important point as Gini mentioned is to say no while being generous. Another important lesson that we learned is to anticipate a reaction so that you can come back with a response. Subtle but important distinction here. Instead of reacting back and forth, if you expect a reaction, instead of reacting to the reaction, you respond with your truth, things go much more smoothly.

    Great topic – thanks so much for sharing!

  • shannonshort

    Thanks, Gini. I totally agree. And ultimately, I want to come up with a great name that accurately represents my vision for the businees, but right now, that seems to keep getting in the way of my getting the business truly off the ground, in the first place. I felt pretty good about the name Girls Get Real, which I've been operating under, but my target audience is college girls and I've discovered they don't like the idea of being referred to as “girls.” Oh how they'll wish to be a “girl” again a couple of years out of college and beyond but just not right now. :-)

  • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

    Are you serious?!? I HATE it when I'm called a lady – you're so right…they'll wish to be called a girl again someday. I'd love to help you brainstorm. DM your email address to me (are you on Twitter?) and I have some questions for you!

  • shannonshort
  • meganmatthieson

    Be good. Sometimes in a confused state, I try to remind myself just to be a good person. I love the simplicity of this, and your post spells that out. Thank you! (and love reading everyone's comments!)

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    That's cool! Thank you! And I thank you for your blog… REALLY!

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Hugs back to you Deb!

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Hey Jeremie…

    It continues to amaze me how much of a mirror you are for me! :-) Tx!

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Thanks for the Deb! Something for me to remember and practice: “I am also BIG on forgiveness… We cannot hold on to resentments and live with irresistible presence!! It just doesn't work!”

    And that includes forgiveness of myself….

  • http://www.madebymegs.blogspot.com madebymegs

    I must admit…I do have a problem with saying no! I try with everything that is within me to respond to everyone, as I see this as the polite thing to do. I must admit, your itemized list is what I try to do every day and will do every day in the future. Thank you for the reminder of how to become a little more noticed in this world :)

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Hey Shannon….

    If I may offer a suggestion to appease the college girls who don't like to be called “girls”. What about “Girlfriends Get Real”??

    Just a thought…

  • http://www.3hatscommunications.com davinabrewer

    THIS Gini, this is why I love you. Except for the “saying NO” we're practically twins. ;-) Because of my friendship with people like you, I am so much more comfortable in my own skin, confident in presenting my authentic self out there. I liked Jeremie's post about defining core values, something I think applies to both the personal and the professional. Thanks for this.

  • JoyFull_deb

    thanks #rockstarcookandcyclist ….love ya mucho!! doing better (((HUGS))

  • JoyFull_deb

    Teresa~~
    Forgiving oneself is #UNO….many. many folks cannot forgive themselves for not being “ENOUGH”…or whatever else they beat themselves us with….I know first hand :=)
    ((MORE HUGS)))

  • JoyFull_deb

    Now, that's a conversation I'd love to have w/ you….on “The KING”…LeBron James …#epic #FAIL

  • JoyFull_deb

    Love your insight!!! And, your grandmother's “put up or shut up!” She #ROCKS !!…as do YOU.

  • JoyFull_deb

    Jeremie…
    Like everyone else….love your comments regarding your “core values”….I REALLY love that you recognize the “little things/small things” that you do so naturally, because THOSE things will separate you from the rest of the pack! Those “small things” have worked and are working to create your Irresistible Presence. #Karma

  • Abbie S. Fink

    Gini — thank you for this glimpse into what makes you you. A few years ago I participated in a two-day workshop that I had thought was going to give me tools to being a better manager, a better team leader, a better business owner. Nope, not at all what happened. It gave me the tools to be a better ME. And the word most heard throughout the weekend, Authenticity. To that I add Integrity. If you are always showing your authentic self and act with integrity, you can't help but have what is referred to here as irresistible presence. People want to be around good people — when you show them who you are authentically they can't help but see how irresistible you can be.

    Friend…you are right on the money here.

  • Anonymous

    I do try to live this way, although I don’t always do as good a job as I’d like. I used to be such a people pleaser it was almost to a fault. I would go and do whatever said person wanted so I could gain his/her approval. That’s not necessarily the best route to take because it kinda makes you crazy. I have now learned to say no from time to time and it is a good thing.

    I have a great amount of respect for people like Elizabeth Edwards who handles herself with confidence and respect. I wish more people were like that.

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      I’m like you. But what I’ve found is that with age, I’ve become much more confident in not caring what people think, as long as I’m true to myself. We just fired a client because we told them what we honestly thought about their business, along with how we thought they could fix it. They attacked me, personally, and told me my offline persona does not match my online. I realized, at that point, that it was egos because I believed really strongly in my advice to them…and we fired them. Just two years ago I wouldn’t have been able to do that. It’s confidence and your own beliefs that keep you going!

  • Tami Morello

    Your list really shows how you can create irresistible presence by focusing on quality connections with the people who cross your path, rather than what we sometimes see online with self-proclaimed experts who don’t seem to have an authentic bond with the people they’re trying to reach. I’ve often heard that “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      OMG! You are so right! We were just talking about this today. All of these “experts” who claim to care and to talk to everyone, but you quickly learn that’s not the case. I think, in the case of Elizabeth Edwards, watching her made me realize I never want to be seen as someone who is too big for my britches or without humility. I can do that by always doing the things I listed. And that will make people realize how much I care.

  • StephanieCorum

    Hey Brandon.

    As a horse person I can soooo relate to your story! Horses are very black and white and I'm every shade of gray possible. They have taught me so much about being decisive and consistent and doing so in calm, confident and non-emotional way. Horses have taught me so much more than I have taught them and those lessons completely translate in business and personal life. It's pretty amazing stuff!

  • StephanieCorum

    I do try to live this way, although I don't always do as good a job as I'd like. I used to be such a people pleaser it was almost to a fault. I would go and do whatever said person wanted so I could gain his/her approval. That's not necessarily the best route to take because it kinda makes you crazy. I have now learned to say no from time to time and it is a good thing.

    I have a great amount of respect for people like Elizabeth Edwards who handles herself with confidence and respect. I wish more people were like that.

  • http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g

    My thanks to both you and Gini for your kind words. My grandmother was an Irishwoman ahead of her time.

  • PK

    Great and thought-provoking post, Gini.

    Here’s where I see a gap, though: what’s the connection between an “irresistible presence” and the authenticity aspect? I don’t know Elizabeth Edwards, of course, but my sense from what I’ve read is that there may be a large gap between the publicly visible (and yes, irresistible) presence and her authentic self. I can’t dismiss all the reports of her very different behavior under the various stresses she’s been subject to. There are countless other examples of this sort of gap in public figures. For some reason, the particularly egregious recent example of Mel Gibson comes to mind: an incredibly likable demeanor but with some obvious deep-seated issues that have now emerged.

    It may be that you’ve written elsewhere about the link between authenticity and truly creating an irresistible presence, but just from what I read here, you seem to equate the two, as if having an irresistible presence automatically means that you’re being authentic. Am I misreading?

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      I’ve been thinking about this since you wrote it and have been trying to figure out what it is that I saw in Elizabeth Edwards that presented her in such an authentic way to me. I think it was in the way she answered the hard questions, with class and humility. Like you, I don’t know her. I just know what she’s going through and how she presents herself publicly. And, I believe, it’s both irresistible and authentic. For me, I want to always behave with the class and humility she demonstrated during that interview. To me, that says authenticity, which I believe makes her irresistible. What do you think?

      P.S. Mel Gibson is a mess! Someone did a Wordle on him and it’s not good! The F word is the largest word in the image!

      • PK

        Well, I certainly can’t disagree about Mel Gibson! But my point on Elizabeth Edwards is that my confidence in her true authenticity has been badly shaken by the reports I’ve read about her behind-the-scenes actions/behavior, when the spotlights and cameras are off. Sure, we can dismiss those reports as simply vicious rumors, but to my mind, they’re too numerous and widespread and from reputable sources. Although she’s going through a terrible set of challenges that would bring out less than admirable traits in just about anyone, the reports still evoke in me that old adage, something about “once you’ve learned to fake sincerity, you’ve got it made.” Maybe people just want to shoot down a saintly figure; I don’t know. But it didn’t, say, happen with someone like Christopher Reeve, or Randy Pausch. I’ve watched the interviews with Elizabeth Edwards, and I don’t have the confidence in her authenticity that you do. Maybe I’m just jaundiced.

        • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

          This is where I feel VERY strongly, PK. I tend to ignore reports and what other people say about someone, when they don’t match how that person behaves during interviews or in public. I really believe, watching the way she answers the hard questions, that she is humble, full of class, and her true authentic self. That being said, perception of her definitely is reality to me and I have no idea what she truly is like as a person. I think with Christopher Reeve or Randy Pausch, two things here – one, they are men and we still have a society that treats men and women differently and two, someone didn’t do something to the two of them that they had to support and show good face. Superman had a really awful thing happen, but that’s different, IMHO, than someone cheating on you, lying about it, and asking you to stand by them. It’s different than having a child die. It’s different than your husband’s mistress going on national television and making you look like a fool. It’s different than your husband’s campaign staff making fun of you and talking about you behind your back.

          What it comes down to, for me, is that I am growing a business and I create jobs…sometimes I create them for people I see huge talent in and want to work with, just so I CAN work with them. I work with a ton of chief executives who have done the same and who have let their egos get the best of them. When I see Elizabeth Edwards interviewed, I say to myself, “That is the way I hope I always behave – with grace, class, and humility.” One of my greatest fears is that I will get too big for my britches and let my ego get the best of me. People like EE help keep me grounded.

  • Tami Morello

    Your list really shows how you can create irresistible presence by focusing on quality connections with the people who cross your path, rather than what we sometimes see online with self-proclaimed experts who don't seem to have an authentic bond with the people they're trying to reach. I've often heard that “people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

  • http://www.lemonoffice.com susanmdonegan

    Deb, thanks for connecting all of this with Forgiveness – that is a big one! To be my best self, I have to be willing and able to let go and forgive. Ridding oneself of the negative energy can only lead to an Irresistible Presence – thank you!

  • http://twitter.com/lazarus2000 Lazarus

    I like to have the perspective that if its something I cant/won't/don't want to do, then saying yes does the person asking a disservice. Because I know that if I commit myself to something that I don't feel motivated to do, I'm going to do it half-assed. And that, to me, is worse than telling someone no. Not only does it give them something that is mediocre at best, but now, theres something out there that Im not satisfied with, not up to my standards, and has my name attached to it.

    Saying no is being generous when saying yes doesn't meet the other person's needs. :)

  • http://twitter.com/lazarus2000 Lazarus

    Horses are amazing for this kinda stuff, aren't they? I grew up around horses as well.

  • PK

    Great and thought-provoking post, Gini.

    Here's where I see a gap, though: what's the connection between an “irresistible presence” and the authenticity aspect? I don't know Elizabeth Edwards, of course, but my sense from what I've read is that there may be a large gap between the publicly visible (and yes, irresistible) presence and her authentic self. I can't dismiss all the reports of her very different behavior under the various stresses she's been subject to. There are countless other examples of this sort of gap in public figures. For some reason, the particularly egregious recent example of Mel Gibson comes to mind: an incredibly likable demeanor but with some obvious deep-seated issues that have now emerged.

    It may be that you've written elsewhere about the link between authenticity and truly creating an irresistible presence, but just from what I read here, you seem to equate the two, as if having an irresistible presence automatically means that you're being authentic. Am I misreading?

  • http://twitter.com/lazarus2000 Lazarus

    “To think that “just me” could be irresistable all by itself without any catchy titles or business names is something I suppose I need to get used to — hell, that I need to EMBRACE and HONOR! It's about being me in my rawest, most true, most irresistable form. Hm…guess I'm gonna need to spend some time with that one!”

    This right here is what is gonna make/keep your Shannon Short business awesome. Lots of people can see through the fakery pretty easy, and once the novelty of knowing someone is fake wears off, I find they just get boring. Im reminded of this every time I watch some late night infomercials for about 3 minutes. “I made a bazillion dollars in 30 days working from my bath tub for just 4.7 minutes a day!”

  • shannonshort

    Thanks, Lazarus!

  • ginidietrich

    I wish I could figure out how to make a bazillion dollars in 30 days working from my bathtub for just 4.7 minutes a day!

  • ginidietrich

    Be good. That is such a true statement! My mom just sent me a card. It said, “Be good. And if you can't be good, at least be stylish.” So now you know what kind of household I was brought up in!

  • ginidietrich

    So we're two peas in a pod! Responding to everyone, because we find it polite, can also create an overwhelming feeling. But, at the same time, I feel like it's something I should do. Perhaps it's my necessity to be liked. Is it that way for you, too?

  • ginidietrich

    And THIS is one of the many reasons I love you! Now if you could just teach me how to say no so I don't feel like I'm slighting someone.

  • ginidietrich

    What was this conference? And perhaps this is something we should add to #MLR? I agree that when you show who you are authentically, people can't help but see how irresistible you can be. But, you also have to consider that there are some people who don't want to see you succeed. And no matter how true you are to yourself, they will say really awful things about you. That being said, if you are true to yourself, you will be able to get past the naysayers and continue to be true to yourself. It's lik having a vision. If you know where you are going, you'll get there, no matter what.

  • http://www.madebymegs.blogspot.com madebymegs

    It is out of my necessity to be liked…but shhhh..don't tell anybody that!! I have a real problem with saying no…and it gets me in trouble all the time :)

  • ginidietrich

    I'm like you. But what I've found is that with age, I've become much more confident in not caring what people think, as long as I'm true to myself. We just fired a client because we told them what we honestly thought about their business, along with how we thought they could fix it. They attacked me, personally, and told me my offline persona does not match my online. I realized, at that point, that it was egos because I believed really strongly in my advice to them…and we fired them. Just two years ago I wouldn't have been able to do that. It's confidence and your own beliefs that keep you going!

  • ginidietrich

    OMG! You are so right! We were just talking about this today. All of these “experts” who claim to care and to talk to everyone, but you quickly learn that's not the case. I think, in the case of Elizabeth Edwards, watching her made me realize I never want to be seen as someone who is too big for my britches or without humility. I can do that by always doing the things I listed. And that will make people realize how much I care.

  • ginidietrich

    I've been thinking about this since you wrote it and have been trying to figure out what it is that I saw in Elizabeth Edwards that presented her in such an authentic way to me. I think it was in the way she answered the hard questions, with class and humility. Like you, I don't know her. I just know what she's going through and how she presents herself publicly. And, I believe, it's both irresistible and authentic. For me, I want to always behave with the class and humility she demonstrated during that interview. To me, that says authenticity, which I believe makes her irresistible. What do you think?

    P.S. Mel Gibson is a mess! Someone did a Wordle on him and it's not good! The F word is the largest word in the image!

  • http://twitter.com/lazarus2000 Lazarus

    Just buy my new system. Im now a Bazillionaire! I developed this totally secret system while I was sitting in the park, looking at the birds. And now Im willing to share it with you!

    I did it! And so can you! And your grandma! And your dog! Its just 573 easy payments of $199.95!

    Act now. Operators are standing by for the next 37 seconds after you read this.

  • http://twitter.com/lazarus2000 Lazarus

    Oh my god. I think I made myself a little ill typing that out.. hahaha

  • PK

    Well, I certainly can't disagree about Mel Gibson! But my point on Elizabeth Edwards is that my confidence in her true authenticity has been badly shaken by the reports I've read about her behind-the-scenes actions/behavior, when the spotlights and cameras are off. Sure, we can dismiss those reports as simply vicious rumors, but to my mind, they're too numerous and widespread and from reputable sources. Although she's going through a terrible set of challenges that would bring out less than admirable traits in just about anyone, the reports still evoke in me that old adage, something about “once you've learned to fake sincerity, you've got it made.” Maybe people just want to shoot down a saintly figure; I don't know. But it didn't, say, happen with someone like Christopher Reeve, or Randy Pausch. I've watched the interviews with Elizabeth Edwards, and I don't have the confidence in her authenticity that you do. Maybe I'm just jaundiced.

  • http://sallyg.me Sally G.

    Hi Gini and Everyone!! Gosh, I’m looking forward to the day when I can actually access posts as they’re published and participate in the conversations in a timely fashion. The comments are wonderful and I’m grateful everyone shares themselves so openly. I am a woman of conflicting key priorities in the Summer months – which leads me to my comment on this fabulous post.

    Too many people in this world devote copious amounts of time on things that hold little significance in the grand scheme of life ~ and not nearly enough time on the things that do. Getting lost in the drama or emotion of a situation is an easy out ~ it requires little thought, little focus or attention, and little accountability for what next falls out of the mouth when it opens. It’s like ‘being there’, only one or two steps removed; donning the role of bystander rather than active participant.

    I did not see the Elizabeth Edwards interview nor am I aware of the ‘back story’ info that PK has shared ~ based on the content of Gini’s post alone – I suspect the admiration and respect may root from the fact that Elizabeth accepted accountability/responsibility for what she had control over, refused to be derailed by (or engage in) ‘drama/emotion’ lines of questioning and showed respect and integrity towards the non-present parties that were being included in the conversation.

    When you keep talking about situations that are no longer taking place in the present – you keep yourself in those moments that no longer actually exist. Elizabeth has moved on. It sounds like she made it clear that she’s moved on. And it also sounds like she’s put her attention on aspects of her life that matter more, provide more significance to herself (and perhaps even others) with a respectful refusal to mire herself in emotions that will leave her feeling powerless, hurt or stuck.

    Here’s what came to me as I read this post and all the comments that have flowed from it: Irresistible Presence may flow from a commitment to what really matters and will ultimately create the greatest contribution to the Self and others now, in the present moment – with gratitude for what has brought you to where you now find yourself and the desire to make the world a better place with your presence while you’re still here. It’s sacred work really. Life tosses so many distractions and detours our way – remaining clear, focussed, hopeful and committed is not for the weak of heart.

    Gini ~ I only know you online (at the moment, anyway) – and to me, your presence dazzles. You’re lit up with generosity, intelligence, the voice to express opinions, the willingness to learn from others AND (this is likely the connection you feel strongest to Elizabeth in that interview) the ability to recognize that you are best able to make a difference in the world when you DON’T make it all about you. You truly desire to serve others and lead them to where they desire to be. Many try to do the same, but keep stumbling over themselves along the way.

    Here’s how I learned to say NO. I learned to see ‘always saying YES’ as an egotistical act that not only assumed only I could do what was being asked or that I was indispensable and needed, etc. – but it also deprived others from impressing themselves or growing themselves or waking themselves up in some way.

    Always doing for others can lead to tasks, chores or events taking place that are no longer necessary, time-efficient or productive. If it’s not enough of a priority to demand ownership by the requesting party ~ perhaps it’s not even a priority at all. And when I keep taking on items that may or may not be a priority at the sacrifice of my own demands and priorities – then how important are the things that I’ve deemed as meaningful?

    Did I want to be remembered as the person who was ‘always there for someone’? Or the person who was always there for someone when it mattered? Creativity, significance and innovation seldom birth from those who invest copious amounts of time on things that hold little significance in the grand scheme of life ~ and not nearly enough time on the things that do.

    If you had the time to make it all the way to this point (so sorry to have expressed for so long!) – I would really love to know what you feel you have in common with me …

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      I have to hand it to you, Sally. This is the first time that I’ve talked about not being able to say no and someone has had something to say that truly rings true to me. Just like I just said to PK, I NEVER want my ego to get the best of me and, because you’ve just put this idea in my head, I’m now thinking about things a little differently. Thank you!

  • http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie

    Out of whack is definitely a constant challenge for sticking to your core values.

    I experimented for part of this year with putting one of my core values (family) “on hold” to focus on another core value (economic security). It did not work at all. I was frustrated, my wife was frustrated, my son was just upset a lot of the time.

    For me I discovered that being out of whack when it affects my family is not worth it, I would rather have less economic security. Which surprised me, I thought our financial situation was more important to me. Now I know that my core values will fluctuate and move backward and forward, but I am pretty sure that my “ultimate” core value that cannot be messed with is family.

    Jeremie

  • http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie

    The best part is that the small things are already there inside all of us and are not something new we have to spend energy creating.

    If we could all take the time to reflect on our little pieces of value that we already offer the world I think we would be a lot less exhausted trying to come up with new ways to add value.

    Here's to all the small things!

    Jeremie

  • http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie

    Oh Shannon I could have written your post myself. I spent months trying to come up with a name and URL for my business. I read websites, whitepapers, bounced names off people, did domain name searches, fretted, panicked, paced, banged my head against walls, decided on names, threw names out…well you get the picture.

    I ended up with http://www.jeremiemiller.com and just decided to be me.

    Good luck in being “just you” (why do we all have to put “just” in front of our personal value?) and realizing how amazing that is going to be!

    Jeremie

  • shannonshort

    Thanks, Jeremie! Always nice to know I'm not the only one driving myself crazy out here. I do own shannonshort.com and .net, as well as several other domain names that represent potential programs and/or biz names, i.e. BetterThanFine, NowPlayingMe, SOWReal, and several others. :-) Thanks, again, for your support!

  • http://sallyg.me Sally G.

    Hi Gini and Everyone!! Gosh, I'm looking forward to the day when I can actually access posts as they're published and participate in the conversations in a timely fashion. The comments are wonderful and I'm grateful everyone shares themselves so openly. I am a woman of conflicting key priorities in the Summer months – which leads me to my comment on this fabulous post.

    Too many people in this world devote copious amounts of time on things that hold little significance in the grand scheme of life ~ and not nearly enough time on the things that do. Getting lost in the drama or emotion of a situation is an easy out ~ it requires little thought, little focus or attention, and little accountability for what next falls out of the mouth when it opens. It's like 'being there', only one or two steps removed; donning the role of bystander rather than active participant.

    I did not see the Elizabeth Edwards interview nor am I aware of the 'back story' info that PK has shared ~ based on the content of Gini's post alone – I suspect the admiration and respect may root from the fact that Elizabeth accepted accountability/responsibility for what she had control over, refused to be derailed by (or engage in) 'drama/emotion' lines of questioning and showed respect and integrity towards the non-present parties that were being included in the conversation.

    When you keep talking about situations that are no longer taking place in the present – you keep yourself in those moments that no longer actually exist. Elizabeth has moved on. It sounds like she made it clear that she's moved on. And it also sounds like she's put her attention on aspects of her life that matter more, provide more significance to herself (and perhaps even others) with a respectful refusal to mire herself in emotions that will leave her feeling powerless, hurt or stuck.

    Here's what came to me as I read this post and all the comments that have flowed from it: Irresistible Presence may flow from a commitment to what really matters and will ultimately create the greatest contribution to the Self and others now, in the present moment – with gratitude for what has brought you to where you now find yourself and the desire to make the world a better place with your presence while you're still here. It's sacred work really. Life tosses so many distractions and detours our way – remaining clear, focussed, hopeful and committed is not for the weak of heart.

    Gini ~ I only know you online (at the moment, anyway) – and to me, your presence dazzles. You're lit up with generosity, intelligence, the voice to express opinions, the willingness to learn from others AND (this is likely the connection you feel strongest to Elizabeth in that interview) the ability to recognize that you are best able to make a difference in the world when you DON'T make it all about you. You truly desire to serve others and lead them to where they desire to be. Many try to do the same, but keep stumbling over themselves along the way.

    Here's how I learned to say NO. I learned to see 'always saying YES' as an egotistical act that not only assumed only I could do what was being asked or that I was indispensable and needed, etc. – but it also deprived others from impressing themselves or growing themselves or waking themselves up in some way.

    Always doing for others can lead to tasks, chores or events taking place that are no longer necessary, time-efficient or productive. If it's not enough of a priority to demand ownership by the requesting party ~ perhaps it's not even a priority at all. And when I keep taking on items that may or may not be a priority at the sacrifice of my own demands and priorities – then how important are the things that I've deemed as meaningful?

    Did I want to be remembered as the person who was 'always there for someone'? Or the person who was always there for someone when it mattered? Creativity, significance and innovation seldom birth from those who invest copious amounts of time on things that hold little significance in the grand scheme of life ~ and not nearly enough time on the things that do.

    If you had the time to make it all the way to this point (so sorry to have expressed for so long!) – I would really love to know what you feel you have in common with me …

  • http://www.care2.com/causes/trailblazers/ Sue Anne Reed

    People have been pretty critical of Elizabeth Edwards since this scandal broke — they’ve either criticized her for believing John that it was only a once night stand (or they’ve criticized her for knowing it was more and not speaking up); or they’ve criticized her for not publicly coming forward before John to talk about this affair (I hear this a lot from people that were Hillary backers in the election who feel that Hillary would have won the Democratic nomination if people knew about John’s affair). But, at the end of the day, I just find her to be a classy lady. Look at all that she’s gone through in her life — the death of a child; two presidential campaigns; cancer; and a husband’s affair and love child. You’re right, through it all she hasn’t done all the mud slinging that one would normally see and instead has turned it inward (in a positive way) to see how she can improve her life.

    I’m also a firm believer in paying it forward and try to do it as much as possible. In addition to paying it forward, I’m also always trying to connect people with other people, jobs, etc. that I know might be of interest to them. It takes a little bit of extra time, but I think its worth it.

    • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

      I just read a blog post about labels and how judgmental we are from @MarketerMikeE. It goes exactly to your point. Who are we to throw stones at a woman (or anyone) who has had so many bad things happen in her life? I know how much it sucks to have someone say something really nasty about me, either online or offline, so I cannot imagine how much that is elevated for a public person.

  • http://www.sueannereed.com Sue Anne Reed

    People have been pretty critical of Elizabeth Edwards since this scandal broke — they've either criticized her for believing John that it was only a once night stand (or they've criticized her for knowing it was more and not speaking up); or they've criticized her for not publicly coming forward before John to talk about this affair (I hear this a lot from people that were Hillary backers in the election who feel that Hillary would have won the Democratic nomination if people knew about John's affair). But, at the end of the day, I just find her to be a classy lady. Look at all that she's gone through in her life — the death of a child; two presidential campaigns; cancer; and a husband's affair and love child. You're right, through it all she hasn't done all the mud slinging that one would normally see and instead has turned it inward (in a positive way) to see how she can improve her life.

    I'm also a firm believer in paying it forward and try to do it as much as possible. In addition to paying it forward, I'm also always trying to connect people with other people, jobs, etc. that I know might be of interest to them. It takes a little bit of extra time, but I think its worth it.

  • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

    I laughed really hard at that!!

  • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

    This is where I feel VERY strongly, PK. I tend to ignore reports and what other people say about someone, when they don't match how that person behaves during interviews or in public. I really believe, watching the way she answers the hard questions, that she is humble, full of class, and her true authentic self. That being said, perception of her definitely is reality to me and I have no idea what she truly is like as a person. I think with Christopher Reeve or Randy Pausch, two things here – one, they are men and we still have a society that treats men and women differently and two, someone didn't do something to the two of them that they had to support and show good face. Superman had a really awful thing happen, but that's different, IMHO, than someone cheating on you, lying about it, and asking you to stand by them. It's different than having a child die. It's different than your husband's mistress going on national television and making you look like a fool. It's different than your husband's campaign staff making fun of you and talking about you behind your back.

    What it comes down to, for me, is that I am growing a business and I create jobs…sometimes I create them for people I see huge talent in and want to work with, just so I CAN work with them. I work with a ton of chief executives who have done the same and who have let their egos get the best of them. When I see Elizabeth Edwards interviewed, I say to myself, “That is the way I hope I always behave – with grace, class, and humility.” One of my greatest fears is that I will get too big for my britches and let my ego get the best of me. People like EE help keep me grounded.

  • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

    I have to hand it to you, Sally. This is the first time that I've talked about not being able to say no and someone has had something to say that truly rings true to me. Just like I just said to PK, I NEVER want my ego to get the best of me and, because you've just put this idea in my head, I'm now thinking about things a little differently. Thank you!

  • http://spinsucks.com Gini Dietrich

    I just read a blog post about labels and how judgmental we are from @MarketerMikeE. It goes exactly to your point. Who are we to throw stones at a woman (or anyone) who has had so many bad things happen in her life? I know how much it sucks to have someone say something really nasty about me, either online or offline, so I cannot imagine how much that is elevated for a public person.

  • Rochel

    When I read this I am reminded of the Irresistible Presence of the Ed Thomas family with their forgiveness and love toward the Becker family whose son murdered their father/husband. They exhibited such bravery, love and forgiveness in reaching out to help the Beckers continue to feel warmth and welcome within their community. http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/highschool/news/story?id=5165445 Not able to find link to video tribute shown during the ESPY Awards. Good post, Gini!

  • Rochel

    When I read this I am reminded of the Irresistible Presence of the Ed Thomas family with their forgiveness and love toward the Becker family whose son murdered their father/husband. They exhibited such bravery, love and forgiveness in reaching out to help the Beckers continue to feel warmth and welcome within their community. http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/highschool/news/… Not able to find link to video tribute shown during the ESPY Awards. Good post, Gini!