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I am lazy

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Seriously. I really am.

So when I am asked about the energy and courage I must have to summon to  be transparent and work the way I do, I kind of laugh.

See, I’ve been in the space where “image is everything”. I bought that program, that ebook and that conference. And I believed that I had to project a certain image of success if I wanted to BE successful. I thought I had to be manipulative and use questionable tactics to make my business look big and important.

And though it felt totally awful, I thought those gurus knew more than I did so I sucked it up and tried to be like them.

Except it didn’t work. And more important, it made me sad, scared and exhausted. The energy required to keep up that facade nearly did me in.

So I reached the place where I had to answer this question for myself: “If being successful means living a lie, do you want that kind of success?”

(Sounds like an easy question to answer I know, but remember, there is a whole group of gurus who make that kind of success sound incredibly enticing – and make a TON of $$$$ while they do it.)

After much struggle and soul-searching, I realized that I was paying a very dear emotional, psychological and physical price for that promise of success. And I decided that even if it meant admitting total failure, I was no longer willing to do it.

So I stopped.

I stopped putting energy into remembering who it was I was “supposed” to look like. I stopped putting energy into projecting the trappings (intentional word choice) of success. I stopped putting energy into business tactics that just felt wrong. I stopped putting energy into creating an image of someone I am not. I stopped putting energy into trying to find that elusive “magic key”.

I dropped it all on the ground and let it crash into a million pieces.

Devastating and terrifying at first. I had put so much time into creating that version of myself. And if I wasn’t going to be THAT person, who was I going to be?

And then the answer hit me over the head. I would be ME. Me with all the imperfections and craziness and insecurities and fears and silliness that makes me me. And if my BFFs were the only ones who thought I was amazing, so be it.

And I’ve never looked back.

My energy, my focus and my love for what I do is at stratospheric heights. The people I connect with everyday are the most awesome I have EVER met. And my engagement with life couldn’t be richer.

This life – right now – though far from perfect –  is exhilarating.

So now I am lazy.  I will NEVER expend energy trying to force myself into some kind of cookie cutter mold. I will NEVER try to be someone or something I am not. I will NEVER drain off my precious energy to devise and maintain a mask that covers up who I really am – warts and all. It is just too exhausting.

And besides. I’d rather use all that time and energy hanging out with you. 🙂

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