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Spiritually Out Of Shape

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So I completely over-reacted to a situation at my child’s school this morning.  Isn’t it nice to know that Maverick Moms screw up?!  The particulars are unimportant and I could offer a ton of excuses – starting with PMS and ending with seasonal mood disorder, but that bottom line is: I handled it poorly.

After running through all the reasons I was justified in my behavior, I still felt bad.  When that happens, I know I have acted in a way that is completely out of integrity for me – and I know better.  And, if truth be told, I’ve been overacting way more often than I care to think about.  Another red flag that I have some inner work to do.  When I feel bad physically – get tired too easily or my resilience drops, it is a huge indicator that I am out of shape physically.  When my behavior is out of line with my integrity, it is a huge indicator that I am out of shape spiritually.

My life journey has been long and colorful – as you will learn as I continue to write this blog.  Part of that journey has included coming to terms with my own spiritual fitness – or lack there of.  Before anyone jumps to conclusions, I am not talking about a particular religious bent or belief.  I am talking about my spirit and it’s connection with something bigger, great, higher that is benevolent and pulls me toward my better self.  I happen to call that power God.  Other call it goddess, or source or higher power.  At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter “what” I call this entity – it just matters “that” I call it.  Especially when I am in spiritual trouble. 

So, what is my plan?

First, go for a walk. No ipod, no companion, nothing to distract me from noticing what is going on in my thoughts, my hart, my spirit.  This helps me get present with whatever is going on.

Second, connect with someone or someones that I can talk to who will hear me without judgement one way or the other.  It will help me a ton if those I connect with are also in pursuit of leading a more connected, present, spiritual existence.

Third, and oh how I hate this part, clean up the mess I made this morning.  That means I have to apologize in a clean, grown up manner without trying to justify myself or point blame.  I actually teach my son and his friends to apologize using a formula that will stand me in good stead today.

“I am sorry I ___________ (fill in the blank with the specific behavior).  Will you forgive me?” 

I so don’t want to do that.  I would rather roll around in the mud of my justification, indignation and blame.  That feels oh so much better – at least temporarily.  But what I know is, to be the Maverick Mom, the present in the moment, connected, honest and vulnerable mom means that I must own up to my c-r-a-p and clean up my mess. Without that part, I am more or less eating ding-dongs on the treadmill. 

I’ll let you know how it goes.

~M.

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